Humor for Supercilious Condescending Pedagogues 

• Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence – EAT BACON.
  
• ​The fact that there’s a HIGHWAY TO HELL and only a STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
  
• My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance for idiots that needs work. 
  
• I'm only responsible for what I say – not for what you understand.
  
• My wife wants to know, when is this “old enough to know better” suppose to kick in?
  
• Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered … “who ties your shoelaces for you?”
  
• I prefer NOT to think before speaking – I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
  
• Be careful when you follow the masses … sometimes the “M” is silent!
  
• I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you! 
  
• I hate it when the voices in my head go silent ... I never know what they are planning.
  
• I'm not lazy – I just really enjoy doing nothing. 
  
• When you’re dead, you don't know you’re dead. It’s only difficult for others. --- It’s the same way when you’re stupid. 
  
• If people could read my mind … I’d get punched in the face a lot.
  
• Calm down … take a deep breath & hold it for about 20 minutes.
  
• I NEVER ARGUE – I just explain why I'm right.
  
• I speak my mind, because it hurts to bite my tongue all the time.
  
• Don't confuse my personality with my attitude … My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are!
  
• Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I'm not in a mental asylum .... then I take a look around and realize ... maybe I already am.